I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
