she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You're like the curious george of whores
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
