I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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