i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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