I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
