Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize