I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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