My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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