The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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