Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I came so hard my ears popped.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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