Only a mothe r could love this liver
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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