Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize