I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
