well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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