When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
