and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
