i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
