my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
