Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
