I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
