This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
