The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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