Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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