i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
