I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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