So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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