There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
