your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
