why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
