i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
