Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
