FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize