my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
