I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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