we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you didnt know i had herpes?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
