So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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