She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
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