Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
