they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
