I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
