i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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