I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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