Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize