I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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