I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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