If i come over, it means nothing
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
