Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
