So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
