Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
