When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
