i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
