you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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