First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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