I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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