let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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