I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
