she woke up with a sticky ear
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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