I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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