she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
