Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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