it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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