You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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