I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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