Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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