I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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