no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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