You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
