i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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