In the future we'll all be gay
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
