I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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