i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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