I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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