RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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