Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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