Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
