I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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