Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize