So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
