We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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