Will you blow on my dice?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
