i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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