too bad you live with your parents still
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
