so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
