i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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