dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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