i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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