i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
