How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
