that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
