you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
